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© Auf Wiedersehen, Pet   
‘Barry in Mitushistan' Unable to find Hazel and gate crashing the Mitushi seminar, Barry exits the lift to see his van being prepared for winching by a Tow Truck operator.  An older guy in navy blue overalls. 'Stan's Towing Service' on the driver's door. Barry runs out onto the tarmac. Barry: "Excuse me sir but, what are you doing ?" Driver: "Having it away with Lady Di. Whats it bleedin look like ?" Barry: "Awe flippin heck, that's my van and I was just about to leave." Driver: "Well it's  been parked here on yellow lines for over half an hour. That's why I'm here !" Barry: "But I'm here now !" Driver: "Makes no difference pal, the jobs been booked. Why'd you park it here anyway, life or death ?" Barry: "To me, why yes yes in fact. You see my fiancée, Hazel, well we had a misunderstanding you see and I needed to see her to explain so I drove here and -" Driver: "Well tough shit !" Barry: "Oh please sir please. You haven't really started yet. Couldn't we come to some arrangement loike ?" Driver: "The boss wouldn't like it mate." Barry: "No no I understand that loike but you see, does he have to know roight ? Couldn't we just keep it between ourselves loike ?" Driver: "Stan's a hard man son. He wouldn't like being crossed..." Barry: "Yes yes but I won't tell him if if you wont." [nervous giggle] Driver: "Fifty quid mate, cash !" Barry: "Fifty ? As opposed to how much for being towed ?" Driver: "Twenty. But you have to make your own way to the depot and fill out all the paper work. Be mid afternoon before you get ya motor back. Up to you son..." Barry: "No no, I see. Fifty it is, I can manage that. And your boss wont find out roight ?" Driver: "I'll just say that by the time I got here, you was gone. Nothing unusual in this game." Barry pulls out his wallet and starts counting. Barry: "Right, here we are then, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty pounds. Can I get a receipt loike ?" Driver takes the cash, stuffs it into his overall's  and gives Barry a curved lip stare. He throws the chains back onto the deck.  Barry takes the hint. Barry: "No no but thanks again loike. OK see ya, thanks, tarra for bit." He gets into the van and quickly drives off, tyres screaming. Just then, the concierge comes out and asks the driver. Concierge: "How come you let him off then?" Driver: "Felt sorry for the sad git. See ya next time." Concierge: "Yea see ya. Oh hey, ya gettin soft in ya old age Stan !" Driver smiles and waves. End of scene. By Tracy Holmes.
‘Barry in Mitushistan' by Tracy Holmes   Unable to find Hazel and gate crashing the Mitushi seminar, Barry exits the lift to see his van being prepared for winching by a Tow Truck operator.  An older guy in navy blue overalls. 'Stan's Towing Service' on the driver's door. Barry runs out onto the tarmac. Barry: "Excuse me sir but, what are you doing ?" Driver: "Having it away with Lady Di. Whats it bleedin look like ?" Barry: "Awe flippin heck, that's my van and I was just about to leave." Driver: "Well it's  been parked here on yellow lines for over half an hour. That's why I'm here !" Barry: "But I'm here now !" Driver: "Makes no difference pal, the jobs been booked. Why'd you park it here anyway, life or death ?" Barry: "To me, why yes yes in fact. You see my fiancée, Hazel, well we had a misunderstanding you see and I needed to see her to explain so I drove here and -" Driver: "Well tough shit !" Barry: "Oh please sir please. You haven't really started yet. Couldn't we come to some arrangement loike ?" Driver: "The boss wouldn't like it mate." Barry: "No no I understand that loike but you see, does he have to know roight ? Couldn't we just keep it between ourselves loike ?" Driver: "Stan's a hard man son. He wouldn't like being crossed..." Barry: "Yes yes but I won't tell him if if you wont." [nervous giggle] Driver: "Fifty quid mate, cash !" Barry: "Fifty ? As opposed to how much for being towed ?" Driver: "Twenty. But you have to make your own way to the depot and fill out all the paper work. Be mid afternoon before you get ya motor back. Up to you son..." Barry: "No no, I see. Fifty it is, I can manage that. And your boss wont find out roight ?" Driver: "I'll just say that by the time I got here, you was gone. Nothing unusual in this game." Barry pulls out his wallet and starts counting. Barry: "Right, here we are then, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty pounds. Can I get a receipt loike ?" Driver takes the cash, stuffs it into his overall's  and gives Barry a curved lip stare. He throws the chains back onto the deck.  Barry takes the hint. Barry: "No no but thanks again loike. OK see ya, thanks, tarra for bit." He gets into the van and quickly drives off, tyres screaming. Just then, the concierge comes out and asks the driver. Concierge: "How come you let him off then?" Driver: "Felt sorry for the sad git. See ya next time." Concierge: "Yea see ya. Oh hey, ya gettin soft in ya old age Stan !" Driver smiles and waves. End of scene. By Tracy Holmes.
© Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
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